Domestic violence

Even though violence in a relationship is often times from the man to the women, it is not always like this. In this article (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20023382-504083.html), a Teen Mom (MTV show) reality star, Amber Portwood, was given felony charges for slapping, choking, threatening, pushing, etc. her boyfriend and father of their child, Gary Shirley. I am not happy for this couple that they have to go through this, but it is an excellent case showing others out there that violence can be inflicted from the women in the relationship, even if the man is larger than them (as in this case). During the reunion episode of Teen Mom, when Amber was asked by Doctor Drew how she felt about the domestic violence, she responded that they were working through it and that she still stands by the reason for her actions, however, wishes that she wouldn’t have let things get so far. To me this is a typical response an abuser would give in the case of domestic violence. Yes they regret doing it but do not see it for what it really is. I felt like her apology wasn’t completely sincere and the fact that she didn’t feel completely awful for what she did and the harm she inflicted says that she isn’t completely sorry. But anyways I just liked the article because it proves that there are men out there who are getting just as abused as women are. Yes there may be less cases of domestic violence against men but the severity of it does not change.

When will it be our turn?

I took a Native American literature class last semester and yet it still amazes me how mistreated the native Americans were at boarding schools. Honestly, I had no idea about their mistreatment until I took the class and then again from the reading (“Beyond the politics of inclusion – Violence against women of color and human rights” by Andrea Smith). Sure what had happened to these people is nothing to be proud of, but I think that it is still a vital time in our countries history that should be included in the history books. We can use our past to learn for our future. If we just ignore our mistakes then how are we going to change and better ourselves? It makes me wonder if there are other events that occurred in our nation’s history that we do not here about in detail – such as the concentration camps the Japanese American citizens were put in after Pearl Harbor. Yes the camps were probably not as bad as the Jewish concentration camps, but I am sure that the Japanese Americans were not treated real well and yet we hear about the camps but never hear about them in detail. Is it just too all those people who suffered to just be forgotten, simply because our nation doesn’t want to admit to having a dark past? No, it isn’t fair they should have every right to share their story and let it be told in our history classes. We talk about how evil and unjust Hitler or any other genocide was and yet we forget to examine ourselves. What about our history? When will we own it and come to terms that we are not perfect?

Living together before marriage

The article, “Couples should live together before marriage” by Sarah Foster (http://onmilwaukee.com/living/articles/livingtogether.html?24420), explains the positives of moving in with your significant other prior to marriage. Times are changing and more couples are moving in together before the big I do because they want to find out what they are getting themselves into before it becomes a permanent thing. Personally, I think that it is a great idea to move in prior to marriage because you can find out if living with your current boy/girlfriend is really going to work. If one person is doing all the work it will clearly fail, even if that person says it’s ok because eventually they will get fed up with it and blow up. My parents on the other hand are more traditional and believe that you should not live with your significant other until after marriage. I feel that this is a horrible idea because if you just rush into a marriage so that you can live together, you are most likely not thinking about what you’re getting yourself into. Besides by living together before marriage you can figure out a chore system that works for both parties. By working together chores will go by faster and there will be less stress at home.

House hold cleaning

I have never really thought of how stereotyped men’s and women’s roles are in the house. I guess this is because I grew up in a household where my father was responsible for the cleaning (along with my sister and me) and cooking, while my mother took care of the bills. They both have jobs and work full time. However, despite this my dad is also responsible for any repairs and yard work (except for the garden stuff – which my mother does). But I never heard them argue about doing a chore or what chore they were completing, so I grew up thinking that men do a lot of the house work or at least they wouldn’t complain about it.

However, I have come to find out that in most cases men do not like to clean or help out for that matter. First there is my boyfriend of four years, every time I go over to his place it is a complete disaster. He hates cleaning up after himself, even thought he knows that if he would just throw stuff away or cleans his dishes right away, cleaning wouldn’t be so bad. Since I cannot stand sitting in a dirty house I end up cleaning up after him. I know that I probably shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help it… it is just so disgusting. Whenever I decide to clean his house he always says, “Stop! You don’t need to clean that. I will get to it.” Then I usually respond with a, “Well then you can come over here and help me clean up your mess.” And his usual response is either, “But you clean so much better than I do.” Or it is, “I hate cleaning and I am no good at it, besides I do not know how to clean that.” I laughed when I read the reading “The Politics of Housework” by Pat Mainardi. I laughed because she pointed out that her husband would say these very things to get out of house work. And whether or not the men realize it, but by saying these things to women it is quite degrading it is almost as if they are saying well women belong in the house and should do all of the house work.

My second example is my two roommates I currently live with. They are both males and they both hate to clean. I always have to do all of the cleaning. Whenever they catch me doing the dishes they always say, “Heather, you do not need to do them this time, I will.” However, even though they say this they never do the dishes. They just pile up and sit in the sink for a week before I finally cave and just do them.

I do not think that it is a matter of men being incapable of cleaning; I think that it is just pure laziness. It is a lot easier to complain about something then to actually do it. Plus in some cases I think that men can sit in a dirty house and not let it bother them, while women have a harder time of letting things go because men do not really care what people think of their home and women do (again I said that this is only in some cases).

Stereotyped families

After class on Tuesday I choose to look at ads, billboards, TV commercials, and other forms of media to see how they stereotype families and how they should be structured. I was amazed to see how many stereotypes I found. In many car commercials (especially van, mini-van) they often depict a mother driving her children around town. Almost to make the point that it is the mother who drives the children around town to their different events. And if you’re the father you are most likely not going to be driving the children around. I saw only one commercial had a father driving his daughter around and he was not even driving her too or from anywhere. They wanted to get out of the house and go for a classic drive around town to relax.

Another commercial I witnessed was the chunky Campbell’s soup commercials. Always at the end of each one it says “Mother knows best.” Well what if you don’t have a mother? Or what if you’re mother works and your dad does all the cooking, what then? Why couldn’t a father be depicted in the commercials? Is it because people assume that it is the female’s role to do all of the cooking and take care of the children?

is change all that bad?

After watching the documentary on LGBTQ families and doing the readings it is puzzling to me how people can be so afraid of change. I do not understand what they are so afraid of. I suppose change can be a scary thing because it is something new, but we experience new things all the time and yet they are not freaked out about. I think that LGBTQ people should be able to have children. They are no different from heterosexual parents, except in the life style they choose. Honestly, to me children could care less if their parents are gay, lesbian, transgender, etc. They do not discriminate and as long as the child is provided with love and support, I feel that they grow up to be like any other child. Also I think that children that are raised by LGBTQ parents tend to grow up with a more open mind and understanding that people are different and that is ok.

I do not understand why society thinks that LGBTQ people would make bad parents. If anything they would probably be better parents then most people because unlike heterosexual people it is much more difficult to have children given the circumstances. Also as it was quoted in the documentary, “We don’t have unwanted or unplanned children. Think about that.” And it is true they cannot exactly have unplanned/unwanted children due to the fact they have a different life style.

I was also sad to see that for most LGBTQ people getting children from an adoption agency is extremely difficult. I do not think that this is right because it is the children getting gypped from a loving, caring, and supportive setting. How is it fair to turn someone away because they have a different lifestyle?