Twilight reminds me of my past

In the reading, “What Girls Want” by Caitlin Flanagan, it took me back to my high school days, when all of my friends and I would sit around and gossip about who the cutest boys were or who we wanted to take to the dance. I am a big fan of the Twilight Saga but it never really took me back to my days at high school until I read this particular piece about it. I guess it didn’t do this for me because there are supernatural beings, however now taking a closer look at the Twilight series I can see some parallels with what I looked for in guys in high school. I was always drawn to the “darker” more badass type, someone who would push me outside of my comfort zone, kind of like Bella Swan. She knew that Edward was no good for her but yet she loved him. I think the reason why I was attracted to these kind of men was because they had an element of danger and surprise to them. They kept me on my toes and I never got bored. I think that is why when we (women) read books like Twilight, it reminds us of our past and explains why we get all “girly” about them.

Problems with orgasms

In the reading, “In Search of the Elusive Orgasm” by Lori L. Tharps, I found it interesting how two people almost let (in my opinion) a sexual act almost ruin their entire relationship. It was quite alarming to me that she was so raped up in her harlequin romance novels that she was never in the moment. It is interesting though how both she and her partner were completely comfortable with performing sex and then when she couldn’t have an orgasm not only did she begin to doubt her abilities in the bedroom, but so did he. At first I was surprised that the male began to doubt himself because usually most males are so confidant in that area, but then again if she can’t have an orgasm it may be something he is or is not doing. I wonder why not having an orgasm was such a big deal if she was still enjoying sex? Was it because when she talked to her friends and they talked about orgasms, she could not relate to them? I don’t know I guess I just do not understand why someone would let an orgasm get between them and their marriage.

Also another thing that surprised me was that when she finally had an orgasm with the help of a sex toy, she was so elated that she called her husband. At first I thought that he would be upset because he didn’t give her the orgasm, but to my surprise he was just as elated and even asked if he could play with the toy when he got home. After reading the rest I came to the conclusion that he was just as elated because the pressure was off of him just as much as it was for her. He could now relax and enjoy sex as he once had prior to the issue because now she can have an orgasm even if it is not completely by his doing.

Cursed by God

The second blog I would like to talk about is about the article, “Cursed by God” by Agnes R. Howard and Nicholas D. Kristof. I could not imagine being“cursed” women. I think that it is awful that there is not enough medical supplies and care to help women in Africa deliver babies safely without the mother’s or child’s health. In the article it talks about these women suffering from tears in their vagina they received from giving birth and without proper medical care these rips can cause extreme pain and infection. I think that it is ridiculous that these women are expected to continue on with life with such pain and not only must they endure it, but they also have to deal with being a social outcast. These women have no one to turn too. Very few people are willing to lend a hand to help these women with their daily tasks. So in the end these women view themselves as being “cursed” by god.

Is it men or media?

My first blog this week is just in general about body image and shape. Since most of our readings this week were on the body image of women and how they should look, what I was wondering was who first came up with these body standards? I know that I will never find the answer to this question, but still it stands. Why is it women (including myself) get so uppity about how we look and yet every time we do men always say that we are being silly or dumb? They do not understand why we always ask, “Do I look fat in this?” or “Do I need to lose weight?” or some other variation of these two questions. And yet every time we ask they always say we are perfect, however, if we truly felt perfect then why would we be asking? Was it men who decided that women should have large boobs, a tiny waist, and nice long legs or was it the media or was it a little bit of both? For example, in the Dove commercials they show average looking women of different sizes and ethnicities, but they all still have perfect skin. There is not a single flaw about them except for the fact that they are not a size zero. So really are these ads really helpful to women? What about the women who suffer from acne, cellulite, fatty pockets in the skin causing dimples, or some other flawed condition? So is it the media or what men think? Personally I think a lot of it has to do with the media. They create an image and sell it to the public. In this case beautiful women are women who are flawless in every way. Do to the large amount of ads, men (in my opinion) base what they think is hot off of these ads. For example, during the renaissance when women were drawn, they were drawn with their imperfections and were seen as beautiful because back then beauty came with age and wisdom. I am sure that men lusted after skinny women back then but there was far less media around so they had nothing to come pair what they thought was beautiful to what society thinks is beautiful. Now days, we have all these images around us and expecting us to be that perfect girl in the magazine and I am sick of it.

I think that it is ridiculous to always be comparing my body to that of someone’s in a magazine who was photo shopped. Which brings me to my second issue, why are we always comparing our bodies to those that are photo shopped? They are fake bodies that are never achievable. Why do we let media ruin our lives and in some cases control them? If there were no ads of so called perfect women would there be as many eating disorders? Would there be as many suicides due to having imperfections? Would women lead happier lives knowing that they have nothing to compare their bodies too? I do not know the answers to these questions and I will probably never learn the answers to them, but I think it would be a much different society if media didn’t have such a huge influence.

Not the perfect size so what...

I feel like size-ism is a huge issue in America and yet over 60% of our population is considered to be overweight. How can this be? Does media really have that tight of a hold on what people believe? I understand that a lot of the times overweight issues stem from lack of exercise and what people eat, but in a lot of cases it is not the persons fault. Maybe the person has “bad” genes from their parents (what I mean by “bad” is that they may have a slower metabolism rate or a thyroid problem, etc.). It is not their fault that they born like this. Or maybe when the person was younger, their parents overfed them and they have been fat since they were young, so being fat is all they know. How is it fair to really judge someone you do not even know, just on appearance’s sake? After all they may be one of the nicest or most helpful people you may meet. For example, in the reading, Love Your Fat Self by Courtney E. Martin, her best friend was overweight and was constantly ridiculed for it, but what the ridiculers didn’t know was what a great person she was. She was kind, friendly, and helped others in her community that needed support. What I find so great about this, is that she continues to thrive despite the nasty comments, however, what if one day comes along and she cannot take it anymore and starts to believe the nasty things said to her? What then? I always make it a point to get to know the person first before I make any judgments about them whether or not they are overweight.

Not male or female...

I know that intersexed children are a big issue in our society because we believe that you have to be a boy or a girl. There is no in between for anyone. But when I was reading Hermaphrodites with Attitude, by Amy Bloom (pg 244-249), it kind of disgusted me that doctors perform irreversible surgeries on infants because they do not “fit” into the normal standards. I don’t know how do the doctors know that the child in question will not grow into their overly large clitoris or if their small penis will grow to be normal? After all, the child is still growing. Besides I feel that it is the child who should be consulted on what they want to do, not their parents. I know that for parents it is probably a very uncomfortable thing knowing that your child is not 100% male or female and I will admit that I too would be uncomfortable with it, but I do not believe that I would be ok with the doctors forming an unnecessary surgery on my child just so that they could fit into societies norms. I mean who knows, what if the child grows up and decides then that they want the surgery, then they would have a say in what they would become whether it be a boy or girl. One of my favorite quotes from this passage was by Dr. Phil Gruppuso, who if you forgot was a pediatric endocrinologist, states,

“There’s no such evidence that doing the surgery on infant genitals for appearance’s sake, surgery without consent and which frequently results in sexual dysfunction – there’s no evidence at all that this is a good thing.”

If a doctor who performs these kinds of surgeries is saying this then why do we still have the practice? Are people really that closed minded? Or are they just afraid that their child will not fit in? In another quote on pg 247, it states, “Surgery may not be a great solution, but it’s the only one we have, and it would be worse to raise the poor children as nothings.” This really rubbed me the wrong way because even if you are not perfect everyone is still a human being if their genitalia did develop differently. I personally think that performing these surgeries on infants is too early. Who knows maybe with time their genitalia will right itself, or if it doesn’t maybe they will be happy the way they are, or perhaps if they are not happy they will at least get the choice of what they want to be instead of the choice being made for them.